Mardi Gras Mania
23 Feb 2012 8 Comments
in Humor, Travel Tags: humor, life, Parade, Mardi Gras, Louisiana, Alabama, New Orleans, Moon pie, travel
My mother and father grew up in the little town of Amite, Louisiana, but they never took my siblings and me to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. (Can’t imagine why) My first chance to see a Mardi Gras parade took place in Alabama. It was Mobile, Alabama to be exact. I’m embarrassed to say I thought New Orleans and Galveston, in my home state of Texas, were the only places to hold Mardi Gras celebrations. Now, I know better. Do you think there might be other stuff going on in America that I’m not aware of? Anyway, I now feel certain that many places have parades- just not as far North as Amarillo, Texas.
But my first Mardi Gras experience took place where it all started. Sorry New Orleans. The first Mardi Gras parade in America was held in 1703 in Mobile, Alabama. New Orleans started their party fifteen years later.
My ignorance runs even deeper. I thought Mardi Gras was maybe a week of parades and balls. Sorry, my friends, this is wrong. In Mobile the first parade of Mardi Gras is in November. During the three weeks before Fat Tuesday, the town holds parades almost every night. And the locals do it right each night. I was there on a random Tuesday and the floats were beautiful. The high school bands that played between the floats were energetic and talented. I imagine this was not the first parade they had marched in over the last few weeks but they didn’t disappoint.
Amateur float makers everywhere, we need to hang our heads in shame. We have parades in my little town and we have an awesome band but our flat-topped trailers covered in hay bales and brightly markered posters would be laughed out of the Mobile parades. The one picture of a float that I took (below) shows you what I mean. These are well thought out designs and they don’t use the same floats night after night. I’m guessing there are hundreds of floats housed all over Mobile year round as they prepare for Mardi Gras season.
Next let me tell you about the gifts tossed from the floats to the waiting crowds. You know about the beads and doubloons but do you know about the stuffed animals, roses, candy, peanuts and Moon Pies? Yes, I said Moon Pies. In 1956, Alabama float riders started sharing Moon Pies with the crowds. I didn’t even know these treats still existed.
And what do you collect your goodies in? Many parade goers have wheeled boxes. Sacks don’t work well because the torpedoed goods come quick and you need somewhere to toss your items as you prepare for your next catch. Seasoned parade goers have rakes to collect goods that don’t clear the protective three-foot fence. The plastic bags from the local grocery store that we use for our little parades would never hold the plethora of loot recovered on a Mobile Mardi Gras night.
Now you understand why I didn’t get a lot of pictures. You look down and you might be sporting a bead imprint across your face the next day. And the night I went, it was ladies throwing the gifts from high atop the floats.
All from my one parade
I feel like I stumbled upon a well-kept secret. I went to a Mardi Gras parade and I didn’t have to fight Time Square sized crowds. I didn’t even have to flash anything to get beads.
Related articles
- On Mardi Gras Day, it’s time for a Moon Pie (real-southern.com)
Hope Unites Globally-HUG Award
21 Feb 2012 12 Comments
in Awards, blogging, Connections Tags: blogging, connecting, HUG, I Am, making a difference, Tom Shadyac, writing
I have been awarded the Hope Unites Globally – HUG Award by kianys at Thirty Years of Growing Pain(s). I spoke of this young lady in The Long Overdue Post but I have more to say before I speak of the award. If I’d gotten this award from anyone else, I would have given it to her because she gives me hope. She’s a young woman who lost her mother when she was two years old. She speaks honestly about her life. I don’t know her whole story but I know she is kind and compassionate. She would make any mother proud.
The day before kianys awarded my the HUG award, I’d written on a piece of paper, “I need to make a difference.” I believe this award gives me this chance. I spent the first half of my life focused on me, me, me. I spent the second part of my life focused on my children. As kianys says in one of her post, the mother becomes the frame and the children the picture. I think most mothers would agree.
I hope to spend the next part of my life embracing the idea that we’re all connected. Usually we make our connections through blood or proximity. I’ve failed at many connections and I haven’t tried hard enough to maintain others. I hope to work harder in the future.
I’ve made some great connections through this blog. It’s been exciting but now kianys gave me this award and, at least today, I want to connect through my blog on a different level.
Free Hug (Photo credit: Extra Medium)
The HUG award was initiated by Connie Wayne to promote hope, love, peace, equality and unity for all people. I want to recognize two people whom I feel deserve this award.
The two people are from my small community. Since I haven’t told them of this award, I won’t use their last name. This couple, Mark and Karen, had a simple idea. They decided it would be nice to offer a free meal, once a month, to anyone in our community. It started small but has grown. Many of the members of our church prepare vegetables, casseroles, breads and desserts. Somebody goes to the Salvation Army and the Good Samaritan offices and hands out flyers. We hold the meal at our church but the meal is not about growing our membership. The meal is about kindness. Karen and Mark are about kindness. We just feed people-no pressure, just love. We connect with the people and honestly, we’re better for it. I have met some fascinating people in my community whom I would never have met if it wasn’t for Mark and Karen. They had an idea and they made it work. Thanks, Mark and Karen, for providing this opportunity to connect with others.
Image via Wikipedia
One last thing I would like to do is share a documentary about connecting. The director is Tom Shadyac. I’m sure many of you are already familiar with him or his work. Tom Shadyac is the director of movies like “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”, ”The Nutty Professor”, and “Bruce Almighty”. After an accident he decided to simplify his life and live in the best possible way. He, being a director, made a film about his journey. In the documentary, he speaks with people making significant strides in bettering our world. His film is, “I Am, The Documentary“. It’s really worth a look. I don’t get anything for promoting his film but I’m hoping for a little feather in my angel wings for each viewing because of this post and, trust me, I need all the feathers I can get.
Kianys, thanks again. The nice thing about this award is that once you get it, you can give it to anyone at anytime. I want to spend the next year getting to know others better through their blogs. I want to connect with others and learn how they feel about the world. I’ll continue to blog about the humor in my mundane life in posts dealing with things like jury duty and the empty-nest of a crazy lady but, watch out, I may have started something. Maybe, every once in a while, I’ll use this blog to ‘make a difference’.
Something for the Weekend (1)
11 Feb 2012 29 Comments
in Poetry, Something for the Weekend Tags: art, Creative writing, Online Writing, painting, Poetry
Maturestudenthanginginthere is hosting a virtual creative writing class for the next few Saturdays. With an accelerated heartbeat, I’m participating. I love poetry but rarely share what I have written. For the next few Saturdays, I will share. If you’re here for my usual witty (humor me) posts, you’ll have to wait for another day.
Enough rambling. Here is my first assignment and first ever published poem.
THE PAINTING
The door of the museum opens on
the exhibit of the long gone artist.
The couple walk in and look at his work.
Momentarily, he and she observe.
He raises an eyebrow and her eyes roll.
They move to the next, not understanding
the intimacies they bear witness to
in the blacks and grays and blues and purples.
They do not see love and hate, life and death or
the secrets of a man’s life put on display,
illustrated in the mingled pigments.
But one day the front door opens again.
A woman stands before the artist’s work.
Her pulse quickens, her spirit awakens.
She perceives the passion the painting holds.
She feels the love and hate, the life and death.
For her, the colors tell the lost story
of the artist who created to share
history, written in textures and hues
of paint tinted with his dripped sweat and blood.
As he labored, he hoped some would see
with eyes of the soul and not the socket.
The woman knows that long ago, he stood
in his studio and painted for her
the picture hanging in the museum,
and finally, she has come to see it.
The Long Overdue Post
07 Feb 2012 18 Comments
in Awards, blogging, Empty Nest, empty nester, Humor Tags: 7 x 7 Link Award, awards, blog, blogging, empty nest, empty nester, humor, Jackson Browne, Kreative Blogger Award, Versatile Blogger Award
It’s not my fault that this post is delinquent. I’ve been waiting on my designer dress from Italy and I had to schedule my hair and nail appointments. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from television, it’s that you want to look your best when you accept awards.
Six-inch heels, designer dress, the red carpet leading to the computer (yes, it’s a Kool-aid spill). Let’s get started.
Oops, I just spilled coffee down the front of my dress and when I jumped up to avoid the burn, I ripped my hem and broke a heel.
Wooly socks, comfy jeans, reality. Now, let’s get started.
* * * * *
The first award I need to acknowledge is the Versatile Blogger Award. There are rules and regulations about this award and I would love you to go to my post Where Do I Get a Shelf? and read all about it. Instead of following said rules and regulations, as I did last time I received this award, I intend to tell you about the wonderful people who bestowed this honor on me. Trust me, they lead far more interesting lives than I do.
Let’s Cut the Crap! honored me with this award shortly after I got to know her. She was my New Year’s surprise. I read her ‘About’ page where she speaks of being forgetful and my first thought was, this is my kind of girl. I then read her excellent post, In Like a Lion and I was hooked. Don’t be obdurate. Go read this post and you’ll discover a great blogger and the definition of this word, if it isn’t already a part of your vocabulary. Since our first encounter, I’ve found that we both are grammar nitpickers and avid readers.
Worrywarts guide to weight, sex and marriage also honored me with the Versatile Blogger Award. This is the girl I hope to convince to do a show with me on the Travel Channel. We both love to travel, hate to shop and have children just about the same ages. We live almost parallel lives, except she gets to do it in San Francisco and that seems a little unfair. On the serious side, she is a wonderful writer and everyone reading this should read her post, Bananas. It’s thought-provoking and moving.
I also had the 7 x 7 Link Award presented to me by two fellow bloggers. The first blogger to give my this honor was kianys. Her phenomenal blog called 30 Years of Growing Pain(s) is a favorite of mine. She is doing Project 365 (366) for 2012 and each day she provides us with a photograph and a quote that she has found. Go look. I promise you won’t be disappointed. I have more to say about her in my next post so I will move on to ‘The Juggler’.
Maturestudenthanginginthere doesn’t juggle balls. She juggles being a mom, a wife, a daughter, a student, a caretaker and more. I imagine she does more in a day than I do in a week. Her blog has a bit of everything. It’s fun to see what she comes up with to share. My favorite recent post is hope, expectations and a bit of impromptu dancing thrown in.
The rules say that I must pick seven of my post that I like. That’s nearly a third of my post. I do have a couple I’ll mention. I like You’ll Miss Me on Laundry Day because that’s the one that started it all. I’m sure most of you haven’t read it. I had about ten hits on it and half of those people were related to me. I thought my blogging would be about the life of an empty-nester. Instead, I’ve discovered my subject matter is whatever jumps into the mind of a crazy woman. My post Warning:Crazy Lady Lives Here delves into how crazy it gets at times. I’ll add one more and move on. My most popular post until recently was Blasting out a Blog. This post had absolutely nothing to do with empty-nesting. It was, without a doubt, the blog I spent the least time preparing. I find that interesting.
The last award I am acknowledging in this post is the Kreative Blogger Award and I want to thank theIdiotSpeaketh for this award.
Enough said, right? If you’re reading my blog, I’m sure you’re reading his. If not, you’re in for a treat. He is like a rock star of blogging. As I hope to eventually hit 2000 views, he is rapidly on his way to 2,000,000 views. Next summer when I go to Angel Fire, New Mexico, I think I’ll run over to Red River and stalk him. He’ll be easy to spot with the paparazzi following his every move. The New Mexico paparazzi is just like the LA paparazzi with dogs. Natives of New Mexico take their dogs everywhere they go. I suggest reading him like a chapter book. Start with his first post and read a few pages each day.
As to follow the guidelines for the Kreative Blogger Award, I refer again to my earlier Versatile Blogger Award where I listed seven fun facts about me. This award requires ten, so I’ll add three.
- I love Jackson Browne and not just his music. When I was seventeen, I felt certain if he met me he would want to get to know me. I have since met him and I had no idea what to say. Instead of ‘longing’ in his eyes, I saw pity and possibly a hint of fear as I struggled for my words. I don’t think it was meant to be.
- My favorite bird is the raven and someday when I’m worlds smarter, I intend to have one at the top of my page.
- I think it’s important that everyone is bilingual, and yet, I only speak one language-unless you include Pig Latin.
And now, I’m suppose to make my nominations. I never know how to do this because if I’m reading your blog then I love it. Instead of a list, I intend to do what seems fashionable these days. I’ve seen people nominating the names on their blogroll. This is what I intend to do. Any of you on my blogroll, please consider this post as an invitation to accept an award if that strikes your fancy. Each and every one of you are deserving.
Thanks to those that have honored me and thanks to anyone reading this post. I truly appreciate it.
Spell Cheque
04 Feb 2012 34 Comments
in blogging, Humor Tags: blogging, humor, Spell checker, Spelling, writing
I like to think I’m a semi-intelligent person and a good speller but I find that lately I’m checking the spelling of words more and more. This never used to happen. In elementary school, I participated in the Spelling Bees and I always made a good showing.
I took a chunk out of my childhood free-time learning to spell ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’. (Quick, close your eyes and try to spell it) To date, this is the first time I’ve had any reason to write this lengthy word, and yes I did double-check the spelling. Can you believe my spell check didn’t include this word? The point is I’ve always loved words.
I’m a reader like most writers. I have lots of contact with the written word. It’s not that I’ve lost my ability to spell, it’s that I’ve lost confidence in my ability to spell. Spell check is available when I’m writing a blog post but I need it when I’m making comments. Since I’ve started blogging, I’ve consulted the dictionary more times than I did in the last ten years.
And although this is mainly a confidence problem, it stems from a few isolated incidents.
The first confidence shaker has to do with double letters. It seems I want longer words. I want two l’s in hilarious. I want two s’s in occasion. And the funny thing about this word is that I spell it ‘occassion’ and then I realize it looks wrong so I change it to ‘ocassion’. (Spell check is going to love this post)
I’m a little embarrassed to share this incident, but last week, I asked my daughter how to spell ‘resent’, as in, ‘I resent the fact that you have a young brain.’ I knew ‘resent’ seemed correct but didn’t that word mean to send something a second time? Sometimes words look strange in their proper context and this was one of those times.
Even with my shortcomings, I’m still a spelling snob. If I read anything I haven’t written and words are misspelled I’m critical. I’m especially critical if it’s something the person is getting paid to write, like a newspaper article or a book. I’ve noticed this more and more in my readings. I think we’ve lowered our standards in the editing department.
I hope the longer I blog, the more confident I will get in my spelling ability. I hope I get past the double letter dilemma. If not, I’m going to change my location to some tiny island in the Pacific and tell everyone that’s how we spell ‘occassion’ on the island of Kewsmith.
Wanted: Experienced Shepherd (Night Shift)
25 Jan 2012 45 Comments
in Empty Nest, empty nester, Humor Tags: Descendants, humor, life, Sleep, Sleep deprivation
It was a dark and stormy n………
Oh sorry, I dosed off. You see I haven’t been getting my required seven or six or even five hours a night.
Last night I woke up after about an hour of sleep and I couldn’t fall back asleep. I didn’t want to get up so I began my maddening late night rituals in hope of sleep.
First, I flipped around every which way, feeling that if I found the right position I would drift back to the Land of Nod. I did this until my head was literally at the bottom of the bed. I did find a quarter and a lost sock but I didn’t find rest.
The second thing I did was to mentally run through all the possible reasons my sleep was disrupted.
- Caffeine. I drank the last of college girl’s Diet Dr. Pepper last week. I’m off the hard stuff until she returns.
- Spicy food. Husband is out-of-town so a peanut butter and banana sandwich was last night’s gourmet dinner of choice.
- Alcohol. It may help you sleep or it may keep you up. I’ve heard both theories, so I never know, but I went to bed quite sober.
- Disturbing television shows. This is occasionally the case because I love a good scare as long as it doesn’t involve eviscerated humans, but not last night. Since hubby is out-of-town the TV was off and I read a non-disturbing book before bed.
- Exercise. My shiny new elliptical spent yesterday all alone in the dark basement.
- Symphony of snores. No hubby, no snoring.
The third thing I did was to swear I would develop a routine. I dream (if I sleep) about a routined life. I vowed to start getting in bed at the same time every night. Currently I may go to bed anytime from 11pm to 3am. I’m a night owl who struggles to keep regular hours. I can keep up a routine for a while and then hubby leaves town and I fall back into my vampirish behavior.
I’ve thought about adding the counting of sheep to my sleep routine. I’ve heard of this all my life but frankly, I know of no one that actually uses this sleep-inducing process. I’m sure this odd ovine-related tactic started with those old-time shepherds watching over their flocks, but really, shouldn’t they stay awake? A lot of sheep predators are nocturnal.
Maybe I could include a warm beverage into my nighttime ritual, except, warm milk sounds gross to me. So does cold milk. Hot, decaffeinated tea is a better choice. I could make a second cup for the Sandman.
As a related side-note, the Sandman has always disturbed me. As a child, I couldn’t believe my parents were going to let a strange man in my bedroom at night to put sand in my eyes. Where did that get started? When I think of restful sleep, it never involves tiny, gritty specks of dirt in my eyes.
See, I’ve already lost my train of thought on developing a routine. A short attention span accompanies my sleep deprivation.
I’m open to any advice here. I’m accustom to the quiet of an empty-nest, so that’s not the problem. And no, I’m not worried about things like the world ending in 2012. I have no major deadlines coming up. Sadly, I lead a somewhat mundane life. The most excitement I had this week was seeing that “The Artist” is showing at a movie theater within sixty miles of where I live. Trust me, I never expected the chance to see it on the big screen after my big “The Descendants” disappointment.
Am I rambling again?
It was a dark and stormy n…………..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Liebster Award vs. the Gremlin
23 Jan 2012 23 Comments
in Awards, blogging Tags: blog, blogging, Gremlin, humor, Liebster Blog Award
In blogging, I have connected with some people who have changed my life in exciting new ways. The fact that one of these people choose to give me an award is exciting. Thank you Hanna. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hanna’s blog Goss Coaching is a jewel. She is an inspirational coach who shares thought-provoking ideas everyday, and I can’t think of a better way to start out my day. One of my favorites of her post has to do with gremlins. She defines a gremlin as that inner critic we all have. And yes, a Liebster Award sure helps in the battle against my self-doubt gremlin.
This is a visual of my inner gremlin
http://goss-coaching.com/2012/01/17/give-your-gremlin-a-new-job-description/
But back to the honor of the Liebster Blog Award.
The Liebster Blog award is given to blogs that have less than 200 followers and deserve more recognition and encouragement. Deserve, hopefully, but I certainly appreciate more recognition and encouragement. As for less than 200 followers, I definitely fit this requirement.
The Rules
Here are some guidelines in giving or receiving the award:
- Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.
- Link back to the blogger who awarded you.
- Copy & Paste the award to your blog.
- Nominate 5 blogs to receive the award.
- Inform them of their nomination by leaving a comment on their blog.
I believe I have filled all the requirements except for making my nominations. This is tricky because I have no idea how many followers these blogs I am about to mention have. I just happen to love all five of these blogs and I want to share them.
The first two blogs are, not only funny, but frequent. I struggle to get out a blog a week sometimes and these two ladies tickle me a few times a week. Both of you may have well over two hundred followers. I don’t know how to gauge this but I want people to read your blogs anyway so forgive me if this is awarded in error.
The first blog I would like to honor is http://notquiteold.wordpress.com/. Nancy tells hilarious stories with great sketches so you can visualize the scenes. My favorite of her post is ‘Snow White and the Smelly Dwarfs’. What an imagination.
And speaking of imaginations, I would love to hang out in the mind of http://whatimeant2say.wordpress.com/. She can turn anything into a funny post. I feel like I know her family and her random nonhuman visitors she describes in her blog. You need to read her blog if only to get to know Wonderbutt. That’s all I’ll say but when you visit, make sure and look at her page where she names all the characters in her blog. I promise you won’t be sorry.
The next two blogs I follow speak personally to me.
Rose at http://pertnearperfect2.wordpress.com/ had a picture of a parade in her small town and I knew I could relate to this lady. I love her recipes and cooking tips. Her photographs are lovely.
The next blog I want to talk about is 146.7. The battle of gaining and losing weight is one I know. Check out http://146point7.wordpress.com/about/. I love the idea that this young lady is willing to include us in her struggle. She is honest and relatable.
The last blog I’m including is http://susserativeaspirations.wordpress.com/about/. I challenge you to read Erik’s ‘About’ page and not give him a longer look. He always shares great music and that’s a plus in my book. I knew I would like his blog when I saw a quote from Lynne McTaggart. I just this day ordered her book “The Field”. Hope to get to know you better over the months, Erik.
Thanks again Hanna. I look forward to your next post.
Jury Duty- The Empty Nester’s Exemption
17 Jan 2012 30 Comments
in Empty Nest, empty nester, Humor Tags: empty nest, empty nester, humor, Jiminy Cricket, Jury, Jury duty, parenting
- I’m not over 70 but if the ‘Time Thief’ I talked about in my last post doesn’t slow down, I will be before I know it.
- I wouldn’t be an empty nester if I still had a child under 12. I lost this exemption when the form wasn’t altered to say 12 instead of 15. They must have bulk ordered the forms.
- It’s been a long time since I was a high school student, although, when my children were in high school I think I was at the school more than many of their less ambitious classmates. I was a ‘helpful’ parent. ‘Helpful’ parent sounds so much nicer than ‘helicopter’ parent.
- I was attending college last semester. It was a Continuing Education class that met one night a week and I didn’t get a grade. Not exactly what the court system had in mind with this exemption but I gave it some thought. I could quickly enroll in another class. That felt like cheating and a little extreme. Alas, my overactive conscious (I curse that right-minded Cricket of childhood) kept me from calling the local Junior College.
Image via Wikipedia
- I don’t work for the legislative branch of the government. No exemption there. If I worked for the government there would be an exemption for empty nesters with children home for the holidays.
- I’m not a primary caretaker for an invalid although I am a caretaker for people who, at times, act like invalids. I’m a little bitter about taking out the trash even when I have able-body children home.
- I’m not in the military but I raised three teenagers so I’m familiar with domestic battle zones. Have you heard of the Smith family trash wars?
Where was the exemption for empty nesters? I expected to read, ‘You may be excused from jury service if you are suffering from temporary NENS or Non-Empty Nest Syndrome. It wasn’t there.
The following Monday I reported for jury duty. For three hours I sat on the front row feeling sorry for myself. I knew I would get chosen. I’ve been summoned, without a valid exemption, five times and I have served four times. The one time I didn’t serve, I was number 222 so the odds were good they wouldn’t pick me. They need twelve jurors and the two lawyers only get ten strikes each. On this Monday I was one of the first twelve when they seated us numerically.
When the lawyers were ready to announce their selections, I picked up my book. I read little of my book during my hours at court because I was thinking about the time I was going to miss from my children while I served on the jury. I pulled my purse out from under the bench so I would be ready to make the move over to the jury box. I made sure the lid was tight on the water bottle hidden in my purse. Frequently called jurors learn that judges and lawyers spend lots of time doing lots of things that don’t involve the jury pool. You need a good book and a water bottle.
The first name the judge called was someone sitting behind me. That was strange. They usually call in numerical order, but still, I didn’t doubt my fate. It wasn’t until twelve people took their seats in the jury box that it sunk in. I was off the hook. I almost let out a shout of joy. I was heading home and college girl was probably just waking up.
As I headed for the door, high-fiving the other freed candidates, it hit me. I hadn’t been picked. How could that be? I didn’t say anything controversial. I didn’t really say anything at all. What did the lawyers read into the general information on my juror card? What made those other candidates better than me? What’s wrong with me? My feelings were a little hurt.
And that odd thought process reminded me of the ‘General Qualifications for Jury Service’. Next time I’m called for service, I may just disqualify myself using #4. (see below)
And I'm not talking moral character
I’m 100% Sure it Can’t be 2012
06 Jan 2012 46 Comments
in Conspiracy Theory, Empty Nest, empty nester, Humor, Time Tags: conspiracy theory, empty nester, humor, Johnny Carson, Year 2000 problem, Zak Ove'
And how is it that I know it isn’t 2012? Easy, twelve years couldn’t have passed since the whole Y2K scare. It’s seems like just yesterday I was storing bottles of water and canned goods in the garage. We were told when the clocks rang in the new millennium, stores would close because of computer malfunctions. I stored extra toilet paper in every closet. Actually I still hoard toilet paper. I think it’s because of mom and the scare started by Johnny Carson in 1973. Check out this link for more information if you’re not familiar with this humorous over-reaction. It may remind you of the Y2K thing. http://thelongestlistofthelongeststuffatthelongestdomainnameatlonglast.com/trivia74.html
I remember 2006, 2009 and 2011 because I had children graduate from high school. 2010 happened because one finished college. I’ll concede at least four years have passed. And in the early 2000′s I may have lost a couple of years and, to answer your question, no, alcohol wasn’t involved. I lost the first year to what I call the ‘Twelve Month Sugar Fog’. I made a New Year’s resolution to lose weight. As I’ve stated before, I’m not good with the pressure of resolutions. I told myself I’d start a diet when the Christmas candy was gone and then the Valentine candy and then the Easter candy and then the ‘end of the year school party’ candy and then the ‘summer visiting grandparents’ candy and then the school lunch candy and then the Halloween candy, and, before I knew it we were back to Christmas. Again, I was in a fog most of the time and, yes, you’re correct in assuming I’m not above stealing chocolate from my children.
As I came down from my sugar high, I rolled into the next year. I call it the ‘Fast of Guilt Year’. The extreme loss of calories and a lack of sugar flowing through my veins kept me in a daze the whole year. But it had to be done after the ‘Sugar Fog’ fiasco. I survived on diet coke and yogurt during the fast. I don’t remember much more. I lost weight but I also nearly lost my mind. Some reading this post might say I did lose my mind.
The Time Thief by Zak Ove' Image by ana gasston via Flickr
If you’re keeping up, I will agree, six years have possibly passed. I’ll go seven for good measure, but twelve- no way. I’ve read a lot about conspiracies lately and I think we are victims of the 2000 Time Conspiracy. After seeing the image above, it all came together. A Time Thief is stealing our minutes and seconds. Every night when we sleep, he takes an hour or two. It explains why we wake up tired even when we think we got a full night’s sleep. I bet it’s happened to you.
And how many times have you said, “Where did the day go?” Bingo-Time Thief.
Sometimes when your driving, don’t you look up and twenty miles have passed and you have daydreamed right through them? That doesn’t sound safe, does it? It’s easy to do if you live in Texas. The roads are long and flat and the towns are miles and miles apart. (Note-if any Texas DPS officers read this, remember, I’m a writer, I make this stuff up.) Everyone else, in largely populated areas, it happens. I think the Time Thief is involved.
Now I can’t explain how this Time Thief has coordinated all of this and why we all still stay on the same calendar but there’s something happening here. We need to stop his shenanigans now. It’s going to be 2025 in the blink of an eye. Do you know how old I’ll be in 2025? This has to stop.
Signed- An Empty Nester with Too Much Time (or not enough) on Her Hands
Resolutions-No,No,No, not Now
04 Jan 2012 15 Comments
in Empty Nest, empty nester, Humor Tags: empty nest, empty nester, excuses, humor, new years resolution, Procrastination, Southwest Airlines, worrying, writing
For all of you – or one or two of you - sitting around waiting to hear my New Year’s Resolutions, it isn’t going to happen. Instead, I’ve noted three things I won’t work on this year.
For the record if I was going to make resolutions, I think it would be telling that I waited until January 4th to ponder this list. It’s too late to start any of those write everyday or meditate everyday or celebrate everyday of 2012 kind of plans. Three full days have passed. I’ve already blown No Procrastination in 2012 so let’s just not put it on the list- if there was a list. Anyone who waits until January 4th to make resolutions is a chronic procrastinator and probably needs serious help. I can’t worry with this.
And speaking of worrying, if I don’t make a list, will people think less of me? Is having resolutions something I need to do to be a functioning part of society? Will my children be judged because of their nonconforming mother? No Worrying in 2012 is not going to make the list of resolutions either-if there was a list. I will always worry about things like will we have the money to get all the kids through school and still retire, where should we retire, and of course, did I turn the iron off or am I going to burn down the house while I’m at the grocery store and then we will never retire? It does worry me that I worry about so many things. The first step to recovery is being aware the problem exist, right?
If the children weren’t keeping me so busy during the holidays, then I’d probably have a list. I’ve gotten used to an empty nest and now I can’t get back on track. Blah-blah-blah. I can toss blame with the best of them. No Excuses in 2012 is now off the list-if there was a list. My mind just runs to excuses. It’s certainly not my fault I can’t seem to get the Christmas decorations down or the refrigerator cleaned out. Maybe I’m afraid it will signify the end of the holidays and that mean old, brightly feathered, metal bird will head this way to fly away with my last birdie. Darn you, Southwest Airlines. Actually she’s here for two more weeks. Children are a parent’s best excuse for almost anything.
In years past, I have always made the obligatory resolutions. By February I couldn’t remember these promises. If I had a written list (I didn’t), it would be lost, but I’m sure on January 1st in long gone years, the list always included the things above and goals of weight loss and writing deadlines to spice it up. Then, the next thing I knew, it was February and I was too busy to dwell on forgotten resolutions. I still needed to clean the Christmas leftovers out of the fridge.
And another thing- aren’t we suppose to try to live in the ‘now’? With resolutions, I become focused on the future and not the ‘now’. So now, I’m not eating chocolate and I’m writing therefore I wouldn’t consider this wasting time. ( My readers may disagree) The only thing I’m worried about is getting a post out and I’m not making excuses about why I can’t get this done. Consequently, I feel pretty good on January 4th, 2012 about my non-resolutions.
At least for ‘now’.
