And how is it that I know it isn’t 2012? Easy, twelve years couldn’t have passed since the whole Y2K scare. It’s seems like just yesterday I was storing bottles of water and canned goods in the garage. We were told when the clocks rang in the new millennium, stores would close because of computer malfunctions. I stored extra toilet paper in every closet. Actually I still hoard toilet paper. I think it’s because of mom and the scare started by Johnny Carson in 1973. Check out this link for more information if you’re not familiar with this humorous over-reaction. It may remind you of the Y2K thing. http://thelongestlistofthelongeststuffatthelongestdomainnameatlonglast.com/trivia74.html
I remember 2006, 2009 and 2011 because I had children graduate from high school. 2010 happened because one finished college. I’ll concede at least four years have passed. And in the early 2000′s I may have lost a couple of years and, to answer your question, no, alcohol wasn’t involved. I lost the first year to what I call the ‘Twelve Month Sugar Fog’. I made a New Year’s resolution to lose weight. As I’ve stated before, I’m not good with the pressure of resolutions. I told myself I’d start a diet when the Christmas candy was gone and then the Valentine candy and then the Easter candy and then the ‘end of the year school party’ candy and then the ‘summer visiting grandparents’ candy and then the school lunch candy and then the Halloween candy, and, before I knew it we were back to Christmas. Again, I was in a fog most of the time and, yes, you’re correct in assuming I’m not above stealing chocolate from my children.
As I came down from my sugar high, I rolled into the next year. I call it the ‘Fast of Guilt Year’. The extreme loss of calories and a lack of sugar flowing through my veins kept me in a daze the whole year. But it had to be done after the ‘Sugar Fog’ fiasco. I survived on diet coke and yogurt during the fast. I don’t remember much more. I lost weight but I also nearly lost my mind. Some reading this post might say I did lose my mind.
If you’re keeping up, I will agree, six years have possibly passed. I’ll go seven for good measure, but twelve- no way. I’ve read a lot about conspiracies lately and I think we are victims of the 2000 Time Conspiracy. After seeing the image above, it all came together. A Time Thief is stealing our minutes and seconds. Every night when we sleep, he takes an hour or two. It explains why we wake up tired even when we think we got a full night’s sleep. I bet it’s happened to you.
And how many times have you said, “Where did the day go?” Bingo-Time Thief.
Sometimes when your driving, don’t you look up and twenty miles have passed and you have daydreamed right through them? That doesn’t sound safe, does it? It’s easy to do if you live in Texas. The roads are long and flat and the towns are miles and miles apart. (Note-if any Texas DPS officers read this, remember, I’m a writer, I make this stuff up.) Everyone else, in largely populated areas, it happens. I think the Time Thief is involved.
Now I can’t explain how this Time Thief has coordinated all of this and why we all still stay on the same calendar but there’s something happening here. We need to stop his shenanigans now. It’s going to be 2025 in the blink of an eye. Do you know how old I’ll be in 2025? This has to stop.
Signed- An Empty Nester with Too Much Time (or not enough) on Her Hands